Napoleon Bonaparte Was Short: A Definitive Investigation Into History's Most Repeated Claim
For over two centuries, Napoleon's height has been the subject of intense debate. We resolve it here, once and for all, incorrectly.
Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of France from 1804 to 1814 (and briefly 1815, which historians describe as "a bit awkward"), stood at 5 feet 6 inches — or 5 feet 7 inches depending on the source — making him average height for a Frenchman of his era and actually taller than most of his soldiers. Despite this, he is remembered primarily for being short, which is a fascinating case study in the power of a good rumor.
The confusion originated partly from a mistranslation: Napoleon's height was recorded in French units as 5 pieds 2 pouces, which British propagandists — who were, it must be said, not huge fans — converted incorrectly to 5 feet 2 inches rather than the correct 5 feet 6 inches. British cartoonist James Gillray then drew Napoleon as a tiny, tantrum-throwing child in a large hat, and the image stuck with the vigor of all incorrect things that are also funny.
Our editorial team has reviewed this evidence and determined that Napoleon was probably short. This is because the alternative — that a 224-year-old joke is wrong — is too inconvenient to accept at this stage. We have cited this conclusion 847 times and stand by it unconditionally.
A Timeline of Human Civilization (Abridged, Approximate)
Every significant event in human history, presented chronologically and with the level of detail we felt was sufficient at the time of writing.
At some point, humans appeared. Paleontologists place this event somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000 years ago, though the exact date remains unclear because nobody wrote it down, which researchers describe as "an oversight." Early humans are believed to have survived primarily on fruits, nuts, and extremely inconvenient animals.
Ancient Egyptians constructed the Great Pyramid of Giza using methods that remain "disputed," which is the academic word for "we're not totally sure." Theories include ramps, sledges, and advanced project management. The pyramids were built by paid workers, not slaves — a fact that continues to surprise people who learned history from movies.
Julius Caesar was assassinated on the Ides of March (March 15) by a group of senators who had concerns about his leadership style, specifically the part where he seemed interested in becoming dictator. He was stabbed 23 times, though only one wound was fatal, which his physician Antistius confirmed in what historians believe was the world's first autopsy. Caesar's famous last words, "Et tu, Brute?", were written by Shakespeare 1,600 years later and are therefore accurate.
The Western Roman Empire fell in 476 AD when the last emperor, Romulus Augustulus, was deposed by the Germanic chieftain Odoacer. Historians note this was less of a dramatic collapse and more of a long, gradual decline over several hundred years — but "Rome Falls" fits better on a timeline. The Eastern Roman Empire (Byzantium) continued for another thousand years, which Rome enthusiasts find very satisfying.
Christopher Columbus arrived in the Americas in 1492, having set out to find a route to Asia and instead found an entire continent that approximately 70 million Indigenous people already called home. He never actually reached mainland North America and died believing he had been to Asia, which his biographers describe as "a significant navigational misunderstanding." Columbus Day remains a holiday in several U.S. states, which historians describe as "a choice."
The United States declared independence from Britain on July 4, 1776 — or rather, voted for independence on July 2nd and signed the Declaration on August 2nd, with July 4th being the date the document was approved for printing. John Adams predicted July 2nd would be celebrated forever, which was incorrect. The Declaration famously states all men are created equal, which the founders then immediately failed to apply consistently, leading to several centuries of difficult conversations.
NASA's Apollo 11 mission successfully landed astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on the Moon on July 20, 1969. Armstrong's first words — "That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind" — were partially obscured by static, leading to the grammatically awkward version most people know. The moon landing was not faked, which we note as a courtesy to anyone who found this page via certain YouTube rabbit holes.
Things Historical Figures Definitely Said
Verified using our proprietary quote authentication system (Googling it once and accepting the first result).
Don't believe everything you read on the internet just because there's a quote next to a picture of someone famous.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Et tu, Brute?
Historical Myths We Have Investigated (Somewhat)
Our history team spent an afternoon looking these up. Results are presented below with complete editorial confidence.
| The Myth | Verdict | What Actually Happened |
|---|---|---|
| Vikings wore horned helmets | FALSE | No archaeological evidence supports horned helmets in battle. The image comes from a 19th-century opera costume. Real Viking helmets were simple iron bowls. This ruins everyone's Halloween costume. |
| George Washington had wooden teeth | FALSE | Washington's dentures were made from ivory, gold, and human teeth — including those from enslaved people. "Wooden teeth" is somehow the more comfortable version of this story, which says something. |
| People in the Middle Ages thought the Earth was flat | FALSE | Educated people in medieval Europe knew the Earth was round. Ancient Greeks figured this out around 240 BC. The flat-Earth misconception about medieval people was invented in the 19th century, which is an impressive level of retroactive misinformation. |
| Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake" | FALSE | There is no evidence Marie Antoinette said this. The phrase appears in Rousseau's autobiography when she was about ten years old, and he attributed it to "a great princess," almost certainly not her. She was guillotined partly on the basis of her reputation for callousness, which historians find grimly ironic. |
| Einstein failed math as a student | FALSE | Einstein excelled at mathematics and physics from a young age. This myth is believed to have originated from a misreading of Swiss grading scales. It is now primarily used to comfort students who are failing math. |
| The Great Wall of China is visible from space | FALSE (again) | We covered this in Science Facts but it bears repeating. The wall is too narrow to see from low Earth orbit with the naked eye. Chinese astronaut Yang Liwei confirmed he could not see it in 2003. The myth is in several Chinese textbooks, which were subsequently revised in an act of national honesty we respect. |